A Yarn Winding Fool

Posted: May 7, 2018 in Uncategorized

Yup! I’m a yarn winding fool now! 🙂

A few Fridays ago a box arrived at my door containing my new yarny toy. This yarn winder was a gift from someone on Ravelry who noticed I had disappeared from the crochet world for several years. She sent me a message on Ravelry back in February of 2017. But since I hadn’t checked the site for quite a while, I didn’t see the message until last month. Her short email ended with:

“I was wondering if you are still crocheting, and if not, do you need help in getting started up again?”

How cool, huh?

We began messaging back and forth talking about crochet and our lives. Then she saw my post about wishing I still had my old yarn winder and sent me a message offering to get me one. She wanted to do whatever she could to encourage me to get back into crochet. Before the week was up the yarn winder was in my hands. And I’ve been caking yarn ever since!

If feels really good to know that there are people in the world who don’t want anything from you other than for you to shine. This angel didn’t have to do this. But she allowed kindness and generosity to flow through her and touch me. I am so grateful!

To be in the flow of giving and receiving (and not be just a taker) I’ve decided to be a part of Mr. Yarnypants’ Beanie Drive. He’s collecting crochet beanies and scarves to deliver to homeless shelters. Having been homeless I can appreciate this effort. Little demonstrations of care can help a person in need have a little more hope that makes a difference for positive change. If you feel so moved, you can crochet a little love for someone too. Check out the video clip below for more info.

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Gratitude

Posted: May 5, 2018 in Uncategorized

A BIG thank you to everyone who messaged me condolences and words of encouragement! I woke up today with the knowing that it was time to begin to pull myself together and put my mind back into organization. Because…you know…life does go on. That doesn’t mean that I will no longer grieve. (I’ll know that I’m done grieving when I’m done.) But it does mean not letting the loss of a loved one destroy my life.

For a few days I was worried that I had triggered depression – something that plagued me most of my life. I was even hospitalized once some years ago because of it and received a Major Depressive Disorder diagnosis. Once I learned to question my thoughts, childhood traumas subsided and the depression simply went away.

I’m happy to say that I am not depressed. I can feel the difference between grief and depression. It reminds me of the first time I received medical treatment for depression in my early 30’s. One day I was feeling sad because I was lonely and bored living in a new place. I realized I was sad, but not depressed. I literally thought, “So, this is how it is for normal people???” Before then, I had never known the difference since I had depression from childhood on. What a difference it makes to one’s quality of life to be able to experience sadness, loneliness, or grief without depression!

Back when I was depressed, no one’s words could help. No one’s hugs could make any real difference. But during this time of grieving, your words have touched me in a positive way helping to lift me ever so slightly. Now I’m puttig on my big boy pants and getting on with things while giving myself permission to grieve some more when I need  to.

Soon, you’ll see changes to the website. I have so much crochet goodness to share! There will be blog posts, videos, templates, patterns, tutorials, and more. I hope you find it inspiring and fun. I hope it breathes even more life and creativity into your crochet projects.

“I am so grateful for love and kindness!
I bow in utter thanks for life.”

It has been a hard week grieving the death of my friend. Some days the pain has been so great that I could hardly speak to people without my voice shaking. Two nights ago I answered the phone at work and almost burst into tears as I said “hello”.

Today is the funeral, but I won’t be able to travel to attend. So, I sit at home and crochet. I have a tealight candle lit. And I crochet. I just crochet and think about Darien. He loved candlelight and meditation. In fact, he facilitated group meditation for people seeking emotional healing. So, I’ll sit some more and crochet while this tealight burns. Later, I’ll light another candle and meditate in his honor.

For  now crochet is keeping me sane. It’s something to focus on and lose myself to its rhythm. Yesterday I finished the triangle I began the day Darien died. I thought of him as I made it. In a bit I’ll weave in the ends and have it ready for meditation later. I’ll hold it in my lap as I go within letting it represent the softness of Darien’s energy. He was kind and gentle and had a smile that went on forever. I’m grateful to have known him.

Yesterday crochet was my salvation. It helped me get through the night. Yup, I was up all night crocheting. And my tension showed my mental state. But I ended up finishing a bias stitched scarf in slip stitch garter stitch and I started on a bouncy ribbed cowl. I’ll probably start on a triangle scarf tonight. I think I’ll post the free patterns for the cowl and first scarf at the same time. They are more templates than they are patterns you can modify as you wish.

Just gonna play it by ear as I’m in grief right now. But those patterns are coming.

Coping With Crochet

Posted: April 28, 2018 in Uncategorized

Today has been a rough day. This morning I learned that one of my oldest friends, Darien Marshall, had died earlier today. My heart is broken. In and out of tears all day, I wasn’t able to get anything done that I had planned – including things for the website.

After I finally got myself back out of bed around 4pm I took myself out to get something to eat. Afterwards, I sat in Panera Bread with a cup of coffee and a cake of yarn. I sat there for a while dazed looking at the yarn dazed trying not to melt into a puddle. Then I took out a hook and started to crochet. I only crocheted for 15 or 20 minutes before I just had to get out of there.

I came home and the tears came washing out of me. I checked Facebook and read the messages of condolence from some who had seen my post about my friend. After getting through that crying bout, I sat on the couch and pulled out the yarn again. I continued on the triangle I had started earlier.It’s just a simple double crochet triangle. I’m finding something soothing about making double crochet over and over again. It’s an easy rhythm. I can almost do it while forgetting that I’m doing it – like breathing. Just a steady movement that becomes automatic after a while.

As I crochet this triangle I think about Darien and how precious life is. We don’t know when it will come to an end. Makes me wonder…Am I using my life in the best way I can? What if my life were to end today? Would I have any regrets? Maybe by the time I finish turning this yarn into a triangle I’ll have an answer. Maybe I’ll feel better that my friend is gone. Maybe not. But just sitting and crocheting is helping me cope with what I’m feeling now.

Darien, I wasn’t ready for you to be gone. You will be missed. I love you!

Another Triangle Shawl

Posted: April 24, 2018 in Uncategorized

I couldn’t help myself! I had a cake of Lion Brand Mandala yarn and I just had to make a shawl with it. Haha! It took a day to make crocheting it between other tasks. Just put the last few stitches on it a few minutes ago. I’d wear these colors myself. 🙂

Ok…maybe I’ll give my hands a rest for a few hours. These paws have been getting quite the workout!

Finished Objects

Posted: April 23, 2018 in Uncategorized

I’ve been crocheting up a storm! I’ve been swatching and experimenting and…yes, working on actual items. Here are my FO’s.

First comes the beanies! I’m making a bunch for display and sale at future sales events. And, of course, I have to have a few for myself.

This scarf turned out a little longer and skinnier than I had planned. It’s actually the perfect length for my 6’3″ self. It’s maybe an inch skinnier than I prefer. But it works! It’s a scrap buster. I just took yarn leftovers and single crocheted away. I found the color pooling in the varigated yarn cool. Didn’t plan it. It just happened.

This oversized triangle shawl is so big I couldn’t get it all in the pic. But you get the idea. It’s not blocked yet.

Here’s more of a closeup.This is just a quick post so you can see what I’ve been  up to. I’ve got stuff to say about what I discovered while crocheting the scarf. And I want to tell you about a yarn related package that got delivered to me last Friday. I’m so excited!